There is a reason why after a relapse many people are encouraged to quickly “work” the first three steps again. It is because they are foundational and mutual. 1. We admitted we were powerless over [our addiction] and that our lives have become unmanageable. 2. Come to believe there is a Greater Power that can restore us. And 3. Turned our will and lives over to the care and will of that Greater Power.
Another way to phrase this in a shorthand way I like is: Step 1. I am not God/my Greater Power. Step 2. Facing that truth enables me to then Get Out Of My Own Way, Get Over Myself, and when I do that I find there is a God/Greater Power of restoration. Step 3: I can now focus my life on learning more about and connecting with that healing source.
While these three steps are not, of course, in themselves all that are needed--and there are many who stop after them and regret it later--nevertheless understanding the unique power of a “Three-in-One” Step is helpful for getting back on track. It also is particularly beneficial in clearing the spiritual deck and preparing the mind in order to get the most out of Step Four’s moral inventory which requires as clear and focused and non-defensive and non-reactive mind as possible.
I see them as having a mutual step power that is greater than any of their individual step powers. We can sometimes think of the 12 steps as discrete autonomous steps because we present them that way and work them often in that way. But it is no surprise that they contain even more healing power and epiphanies in our lives when we see them and work them in more networked ways.
Step One: I am not God.
(God as you might understand God or your Greater Power or The Ultimate).
That is crucial because I have acted in my addiction as if I were God (especially in a version of God that equates God to being omnipotent, all powerful over all things) even if at the same time I would never claim in a million years to being God or to having God-like power. My actions while addicted will always betray my best thoughts and stated intentions.
Addiction equals not being able to stay stopped. That shows us our ultimate inability to being in control. Our willpower and manageability is worth nothing. Addiction also equals never having or being or doing Enough. God, on the other hand, is all about the comprehensiveness and omnipresence and being Enough, and the peacefulness that comes with that.
Step One then confronts us with the truth that we have no control just by ourselves. It also illuminates the vast difference between the motivating power of Powerlessness, and the paralyzing power of Helplessness.
In fact, feelings of helplessness, extreme vulnerability, inability to control life and others are often the basic triggers that initiate the addiction cycle; they drive us into emotion-less bubbles, seeking numbness, all to avoid the pain of those feelings. And then we begin engaging in our acting out behaviors in order to stay in the bubble, to reinforce its walls. But of course it always bursts.
Powerlessness, however, is the harsh reality of truth in our addiction. We have heard since Aristotle that “Nature abhors a vacuum.” More recently this has been adapted also into “Power abhors a vacuum.” In addiction we know this as the core problem of trying to fill an emptiness with a substance or behavior or attitude that will not stay filled but will instead make us emptier than ever and seeking more extreme substances or behaviors or attitudes in our attempts to not feel the emptiness. In our Three Circles of Recovery, it means that we can’t live in a status quo of our middle circle issues; they will become inner circle behaviors if left unchecked by living in our healthy outer circles.
Our truth is that we will seek power of one kind or another. Helplessness feeds the power-over reaction that leads to more self-centeredness, more managing attempts of the unmanageable, more isolation and fear cycles. Powerlessness acknowledgment feeds the power-with response, one that turns us toward a power greater than ourselves, toward others for help, toward the only way of life that truly fills up the emptiness and the black holes in our lives. You can see how this inherently then becomes a...
Step Two focus: We get out of our way to find our way. We get over our small false selves to find our larger deeper connected true selves bound up with our greater power and healing source. This only happens when we turn from power-over to power-with.
Step Two work then focuses on preparing us to recognize our Greater Power. It does this by helping us rid ourselves of the often subconscious ways we have not only substituted ourselves for God but put others in that position too—parents, of course, but so many others in our lives, so many small and large traumas, and especially the ways we may have been taught about God or a Greater Power in false and hurtful rather than healing ways. All the ways we have been influenced directly or indirectly can become false powers. Even once in recovery, all those relationships that are healthy in and of themselves and are vital to our recovery can become false idols as well if we give them the ultimate place and focus in our life rather than recovery.
Which then brings us full circle with Step Three work: Turning ourselves over to the care of this Greater Power now of our own understanding. Finding ultimate freedom in this connection and seeking to nurture and grow it, receiving its power on a daily basis. How we do that moves us on into the work of the rest of the steps. But the initial Three-in-One Step is a home we return to while doing that ongoing step work. It becomes our power source. It will guide us through our life work.